Resilience- In Daily Life

Resilience is much more than the ability to bounce back. Resilience requires embracing the challenges of life and working with them, rather than moving around them, avoiding or withdrawing from them. It is changing the thoughts of fear and despair into faith and hope. Two important ingredients of resilience are positive energy and good health.

How does one work with the challenge? It is possible when we look at it as an opportunity for growth, self improvement, thus transforming a difficulty into development. Suffering in human life is actually like an engine of human development. Suffering brings riches we could find in no other way that is why it is necessary to go through it, learning and developing all throughout and thus getting victory over it. Vicissitudes of life are means to shape our character. When adversity is faced by a resilient spirit, you are actually transforming it into discovery and development and thus making a good fortune out of it.


When something goes wrong do you get better or bitter? Getting better is resilience. Life tests us and our capacity to cope, and the more we can cope up with; the richer and fuller our life gets. We have to learn to spring back after suffering through difficult and stressful times in one's life, to bounce back with more power and energy. It is more about surviving and thriving after trauma.

Resilient people face challenges and they do not break down. They know how to soothe themselves without being victims. They make it through the mire. These individuals redefine their world and create a new and successful life. When unpleasant things happen, they are ready to respond in a productive way. The skill sets involved revolve around the ability to move on after a set-back, regrouping after a defeat, learning quickly from mistakes, turning a negative into a positive. Resilience is a form of marketplace elasticity. It allows anyone involved to stretch and bend - to rebound without breaking under the most turbulent of situations. And we all know if you don’t bend your break. Faced with any situation, try all the options: amend it, adapt to it, avoid it and if nothing possible accept it as it is, this too shall pass.

When you are driving your car and another driver is driving wrong and coming head on to hit you, the first and foremost reflex is to save ourselves, we do not go ahead and collide for an accident with him, we have to save ourselves first. Similarly in life even if other person is doing wrong or harming us, don’t go head on avoid that accident at first place. We have to be first concerned about our self, don’t spoil your own health and peace of mind for someone else, learn to first love yourself, don’t harm your own self. Once you have saved yourself from that head on, now you have extra energy to sort this issue positively.

The better approach is to be open and flexible, to be appreciative of whatever good you do find in your daily circumstances, rather than focusing on bigger questions, such as ‘Will I be happy if I move to another city or a better job?’ or ‘Will I be happy if I get married?’ But life is a journey and no destination. So what you do along the journey is most important.

Taking time to relax and breath is key to developing resilience. Resilience is to be woven deeply into the fabric of the human soul. Throw us an obstacle, and we grow stronger, resilience in the face of adversity. It means a strength and compassion that will not be defeated. The great news is that emotional resilience is something that everyone can develop, and the first step to it id to decide that you want to develop resilience and second step is to stay determined and third step is to make persistent and consistent efforts to keep working on it. 

Don’ t Give Up

Mind Detox – Take The Garbage Out

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become”- Buddha

Mind is a very powerful resource- God’s gift to us, which if used properly can create a beautiful life. On the other side if left unchecked, life can become miserable- what is your choice?

As we have healthy food for the body, we keep a check on what we put into our digestive system, to keep the body healthy, similarly we have to keep a check on the diet we are giving to our mind. Pure thoughts are the healthy diet for the mind. Creative thoughts are like vitamins and positive thoughts provide proteins that build will power, while thoughts of serving others are like carbohydrates, which provide energy for the mind. Feed the mind righteously; keep a constant check on the thoughts you are feeding your mental system with. These thoughts not only effect your day to day action, prosperity, success and money but also your health. If garbage is put in only garbage shall come out – stop and check.

One might have to reformat the system, because for years of life you have been thinking in a certain pattern, based on past experiences, information and belief system one holds. Lot of garbage has already being fed into the system. Thoughts are like a CD that is played in the laptop of the mind. What you play is what you see and experience. What you think is what you live. To make changes in your life it is necessary to eject the old CD, and insert a new one that you like. Stop and check.

It is very simple let us take few examples: boss said something wrong; this is stimulus, as an employee one would give response to it, but in between this stimulus and response is the freedom to choose. It is not what he said to me, it is what I did with what he said to me. Most of the time in between what was said and how we reacted to it, we start drawing inferences from it based on what our CD is playing. So stop and check.

In physics we have studied that a metal’s stress is inversely proportional to its resilience although the pressure remains constant on different metals. The stress would change on each metal based on how much resilient it is. Similarly how much resilient is your mind and soul, would depend your reaction to any given situation. What material is your soul made of? – weak metals like copper and tin can easily be bend, but iron and Gold can pass through any amount of pressure. Gold rather becomes more beautiful after passing through fire. This is resilience, which even we are accountable for, how much resilient is my spirit, when it comes across a challenge. This resilience is a very important term with a deep meaning; I shall cover it separately in another post.

Another example is first time you taste a cup of green tea, and you don’t like it, but next time you programme your mind and you love the same cup of tea. The list is endless, but the trick is important.

Now this new programming shall only be possible once the earlier junk or garbage is cleared, cleaned or detox. We need to sit in silence everyday for a while atleast, keeping all our hi- tech gadgets switched off. And in this silence feed your mind with best possible positive thoughts, with a daily effort of 15 minutes and religiously doing the same for 40 days, it shall become a part of your life and believe me, just do it as prescribed like a medicine and see the difference in your happiness, peace, health and success.

Your mind holds fears, worries, stress and so forth. Mind detox is removing the compulsive thoughts, fears, hates, worries and other attachments from our minds; this removing is only possible by replacing, replacing this negative slowly and slowly by all positive. So stop- check, waste thoughts, they are of no use rather harmful.

Right thought creates the right vibration, if you think yourself as a victim of situations; others would also see a victim in you and not a leader. Stop and Check. Actually you can lead your life the way you want; God has given you the powers and resources to achieve this. You are not a victim but a conqueror.

At times because of our previous hurt, even in a new relationship we start building a wall around us in order to protect us in this new relationship (whether boss, colleagues, friends or spouse). The wall is build of our own mind stories based on past experiences, so that now we are not hurt again. The moment you build this wall the energy flow in the relationship gets blocked, and then we find ourselves in the similar situations with similar people, but actually it is our own repetitive behavior of that repetitive CD which is running in the mind. So the key is detox your earlier CD, create a new one and change the situations you find yourself in.
All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. Today you create thoughts of your spouse cheating with you; tomorrow he shall do it actually. Because of your thoughts, which became your body language, negative energy and behavior or may be words, reality manifested.

You go for a fresh interview and carry your old baggage of thoughts with you, and then you say the interview panel rejected you, where as you rejected yourself in your thoughts before the panel did the needful in reality.

Guard your thoughts. Stop And Check.

Self Discipline To Accomplishment

Self Discipline is a force which channelizes our inner energy and directs it in the absolute direction; helping us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well.

Self discipline has many advantages:
1. It enables us to cultivate consistency
2. Mind stays focused and it does not side tracks important matters
3. One remains composed even in adverse circumstances
4. Stay determined to complete the task successfully
5. One has full control over his/her activities

Self discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. It is very easy to set our targets and goals, but how shall we accomplish them if we are not in discipline with ourselves. To achieve a particular target there is a definite course of action which needs to be followed and that can only happen if you have self control. As in this picture in order to achieve our Goals, we have to cross the bridge and reach the Goals, but in between the bridge there is a missing link and that red link we carry with us, it is our own self discipline.

E.g. If my target is to close 5 tenants for my shopping mall by the end of this month in 30 days time, I will have to make 50 calls in first 3 days, 5 meetings each day subsequently and then a regular follow up calls and meeting with the clients. Mind will of course give 10 reasons to avoid that first call or meeting or follow up call, as lot of refusal, objection, no’s etc. can come my way, but if I am focused at my end result, with self discipline and control, I shall not be seeing those small difficulties which come in my way. I shall make myself sweat that extra mile to accomplish my targets. Despite the rejection, I shall stretch myself to the next call with same enthusiasm.

Similarly we all know what exactly is to be done for achieving that particular target. Fat guy who need to lose 10 kgs in one month, knows exactly what is to be done each day, each hour. And we all know what it shall take to achieve his target, its only self discipline, commitment to his goal. The bottom line is either you are going to be disciplined or you shall be disappointed. Will power is actually like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the more you use and stronger you get it. Start self discipline from smaller habits – like choosing between: watching TV for hours or reading a book. Gossiping with friends or playing a sport with friends!!

Here is the key; you can't change your habits you need to replace your habits. If you have a bad habit of watching too much TV, replace it with reading and listening to motivation tapes. If you have a bad habit of eating, you can replace it with exercise or something more productive. So take a look at your habits and create an action plan to replace those habits with more productive habits. Start practicing this and you are on this path of exponential success. It is like sculpting, a little bit at a time. You'll get there.

Gloriously Conquer

We all deal with challenges everyday in our lives, nothing new. While dealing with these challenges, we get the ultimate experience of life. Accordingly we can feel either a struggle or an enduring voyage towards growth and accomplishment. Every time we face a challenge the spirit has to emerge Glorious. How!!!

Whenever you have to accomplish a challenge, ask yourself how badly you need to get across. What level is your burning desire to achieve it? Here I would like to share a story of a Lion and a Rabbit. Once there was a lion in a jungle very strong and healthy. He came across his prey the rabbit and he started to chase the rabbit in order to hunt him, catch him and satisfy his hunger. But the rabbit was also determined to run fast and very fast and it kept on dodging the lion each time. After all the marathon, when both of them got extremely tired, finally lion gave up, and said to rabbit, “I accept my defeat and you are a winner, but I would like to ask you a question, how did you manage to defeat me, while I am stronger, bigger and an expert in catching my prey?”. Then the rabbit replied, “Sir, you were running for your stomach (hunger), and I was running for my life, it was a question of life and death for me.”

This is the burning desire, a passion of life, that come what so ever may, I have to conquer these circumstances in order to come out as a winner. This is only possible if we are just present in the moment and not at all bothered about the past or unsecured about future, investing all our energy in the present moment, focusing on the challenge head on with just one intention to conquer it gloriously. You will find the strength and courage to deal with it, always remember to view your challenges, as if they were serving a purpose, which they always do.

We have to deal with today’s issues today. Let us not be concerned what will happen tomorrow, because tomorrow will come with its own set of challenges, which you have to deal with tomorrow. So stop mixing past with today, today with tomorrow.

Now where do I get the strength and courage to come out of the challenge as a winner? Surprisingly that strength is always available to us, we are the one who ignore it. God with all His wisdom, energy and strength is always there, this unlimited resource is available to each one of us, but we have to ask for it, we have to tune into Him for His strength and wisdom to come across and solving our challenge. He is like a transmitter, always there, we have to tune into His frequency in order to receive from Him. And He knows exactly what we should receive exactly to take care of that particular situation .

It is not that we don’t pray. We normally do, and more often when we are in trouble, but we ask the situation to change, other people to change, we ask for the material things to come across. But God does not have that; He has power, peace, purity and love. He can only give us what He has. So ask for a drop of His power and you shall have the strength to solve your issues.

Always have faith in yourself. People might call you anything, but you don’t become that with each word of theirs. What you think about yourself is what you are. Check your own thoughts. Your own thoughts sabotage your success more than anyone or anything else. There is nothing more to conquer but yourself first of all. Then all the setbacks in life will seem like opportunities in disguise……..because they actually are…………

Hum Koi tinka nahin, jisse hawaain udaa le gayin;
Hum koi katra nahin, jisse andhiyaan baha le gayin;
Hum to wo chattaan hein, jisse aao, aur aakar takrao;
Aur khudh hi thak kar laut jao.

Translation: “I am not a small straw, which the winds can blow anywhere, I am not a small drop, which storms can carry anywhere, I am like a solid rock, with which you should come and conflict head on, and leave back tired yourself.” That’s the kind of rock solid self esteem, self faith we should have in ourselves, to combat whatever comes our way.

As such if the clouds come in front of the Sun, the existence of Sun cannot be challenged. It is still there shinning to its own glory, but people cannot temporarily see its complete sunshine, its complete glory, similarly the clouds of your challenges shall also pass through and you shall again shine as you got to. In order to gloriously conquer, we have to conquer our own mind first:

“ man ke haare haar he, man jeete jag jeet” - If you lose in your heart you actually lose, you win over your own heart and you have won over the world. As a small child I remember hearing these words from my Mom, a lady who is an epitome of strength and perseverance.

Let us first gloriously conquer our own mind with the help of God, the greatest resource available, tune into Him and you shall receive. With His help let us gloriously conquer these minuscule challenges, which are there for a purpose.

Take Control Of Your Life

We always have a choice in life, what we want to choose. Once we choose that and move in that direction, new situations and circumstances follow. Along with the choice comes few roses and few thorns. We accept roses with welcoming hands but resist the thorns in all possible ways. We don’t accept the thorns and don’t take any responsibility for them, although these are also the outcome and byproduct of our own choice.

When we don’t accept the unwanted we start the blame game. Now this is played both externally with people around and involved. And internally in our inner dialogue, now we say, "I have to accept this as it is, I don’t have any choice."

And the moment we use this kind of conversation we lose control over the situation, we feel like a victim and we allow someone else to take charge of the situation.

But let’s be clear what being in control means, it is not related to power or authority. Close your eyes for a minute and think, what does being in control means to you. To me it means being my own navigator of my own ship, knowing exactly which direction it is going and on the way I am happy, content and enjoying the ride.

We are the creator of our journey, the writer of our story. The creator of your own thoughts, emotions, feelings and imagination. If you are the creator, you can any time regulate or moderate your situation, by taking charge of wanted and removing the unwanted. For healthy thoughts to nurture, unhealthy ones have to be removed. Ask a farmer and he knows the damage unwanted weeds can do to his agricultural yield. Similarly we should know the damage our self created unhealthy thoughts, can do to our situations and circumstances of life.

So next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, don’t ask the situation to change, ask for the strength to face the situation and rise above the situation.
There are times when we say, "someone has hurt me, I am very disturbed."

But the fact of the matter is we are choosing that someone to hurt myself. If you want to remain in control and in charge than choose the right things. With every one problem, you shall always have two choices, number one you can cry over it, number two you can laugh over it – choose to laugh over it and you can solve it better. As such we all know the great problems of yesterday are hardly of any relevance today.

Whenever you go to the market, you see lot of things, even if you have money to buy you don’t buy everything, you would always choose and bring home only what you like. Similarly in life, during a day, lot of things will happen, you can not bring back everything home. You have to choose, and choose rightly, based on your values and priorities. Making the right choice, brings in more control of your life, opens you up. We are using our mind, heart and spirit more and thus receiving more what life has to offer.