Art Of Appreciation

One of the greatest human desires is to feel important. We just want to feel special. An individual has an incessant and gnawing craving for importance. There is no exception to this psychological need. Barring our biological needs, practically all our actions are directed at satisfying this continuing need to feel important. According to William James, the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. We are aware of this desire in our self and continuously perform most of our actions to satisfy this need, but how many times are we aware of the same longing and desire in the other soul?

When this basic human thirst is not satisfied in the normal course, people tend to achieve this feeling of importance in varied ways. A small child would cry, shout and through tantrums, just for attention and appreciation. A teenager would wear expensive clothes or jewelry to be a notch higher than his friends. As we grow, we flaunt of our education degrees, social status, fancy designations and pay packages, just to satisfy that unending desire of being felt important by others. We drive the best and latest vehicle in an attempt to say through things: I AM IMPORTANT! Don’t ignore my presence.

People risk their lives and climb mountains, journey to the moon and expose themselves to risk because they are primarily, basically and even subconsciously, motivated by this urge to feel important, to become great and to earn appreciation. In misdirected cases, this same urge turns a few into notorious outlaws and criminals. When people fail to gain recognition, they go “insane” so that in the new world of their imagination and own making, they can obtain the importance which they have been craving for. An elderly parent often falls sick to get attention of his own busy children. However, all of these things are just covers for, most of the time, a wounded soul. From children to grown up adults, people often unknowingly hurt themselves, when this important hunger of human psyche is not satisfied.

The point which I am making here is let us be an extravagant and lavish in this, appreciating liberally and as often as possible, it shall do more good to us first and then to the others. The individual who can honestly satisfy this burning hunger for importance on the part of his fellow human beings can literally rule the world. He can motivate and influence any person, big or small, high or low, educated or uneducated, rich or poor, man or woman, provided he is capable of making the other person feel truly important. By discovering the special and particular gifts of an individual, by giving due recognition and sincere appreciation to that singular gift or talent, we can win him or her over and enhance their productivity.

This admiration and appreciation has to be sincere. If not, it will be mere flattery and a sensible person always tries to avoid a flatterer. Nobody wants counterfeits. Our appreciation has to be real and honest to evoke the desired response from the other individual and quench his thirst for importance. When we honestly admire and appreciate, be liberal and lavish. One of the most successful motivators and leaders of men, Charles Shwab, who was paid million dollars a year about four decades ago, observes that the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement. To quote him, “If I like anything I am hearty in my appreciation and lavish in my praise”.

Criticism is just the opposite of giving importance, or appreciating other individual. And how many times do we get long lasting successful results from criticism? Rather the other person gets defensive and we end up in arguments and spoiling a healthy relationship. Let us not get judgmental with others, even God judges a person for his actions and deeds, only after his death. Then why do we get judgmental with others for their day to day actions. Nobody commits a mistake deliberately, we are all humans at the end of the day, let us be accommodating towards others for their mistakes, giving them a room for improvement and better performance next time.

Even appreciate the mistake of others, after all they have tried, give them an opportunity to learn from the mistake and be a better human being and learned performer for the future.