Relationship Engineering

From childhood till death, we are on this theater/ stage of the world busy playing, building and maintaining relationships. Undoubtedly relationships are the most important science on this earth, and if we can master this art, definitely we shall have a life full of progress and happiness. Seeing the intricacies involved, I am giving it the terminology of “Relationship Engineering”.

Relationships give us the biggest platform to learn the lessons of life and about our being here; if one is facing issues with any relationship in life simply means to improve and transform one’s own self, let’s work on our own self and our relationships shall be better.

Relationship is the exchange of energy between two individuals. Now we have to check what kind of energy is exchanged, is it positive or negative? With whatever thought we have in our mind, it shall trigger either positivity or negativity in others. The highest source of positive energy is good wishes for others. Each soul we come in contact, if inside we are wishing good about them, it shall trigger positivity. Here integrity of thoughts is really important, means inside and outside it should be the same. Many times inside we are thinking wrong about the other person, while the words are saying something else. In this case only negative transmission is happening, so do not expect positive results, with these kinds of thoughts internally.

The other highest source of positive energy is trust in others, when we have trust in the other person; the energy transmitted gives confidence to others, triggers the creativity in them. The third source of positive energy is respect to the other person. Even if you are giving instructions to the other person, it should not be through your power, rather to empower the other individual.

Now the case comes, when the other person commits a mistake; don’t withdraw the respect, rather he/she needs more support at this time, if we withdraw the respect or disempower the other person at this time, we shall never achieve the desired results as well. And always remember respect is for the soul and not for the job!!

We attend lot of seminars, conferences etc, on art of living, anger management etc….etc… come out of them, for few days, our words, behavior is good, then after that we are back to our individual self. Why does this happen? Because we are working on the surface level, for a temporary change, we are trying to replace the leaves of the tree to make it better, it shall not work, we have to work at the seed and the roots level, and roots and seed are the thoughts, unless we change and work at our thoughts level rest all is very superficial.

We got to have love, compassion and respect unconditionally for each soul we come in contact with, irrespective of their shortcomings. As this is not their fault, their own battery is so discharged; they are unable to view the situations and others in the right perspective. Today we all know that every day we have to charge our mobile, laptop, cameras and all such other important gadgets. But unfortunately we don’t know how to charge such an important gadget our own human body? This is only possible if we spend 15 minutes of undisturbed time with our selves generating only positive thoughts. First of all do we have even 15 minutes for our self in peace, undisturbed? Secondly even if we are able to get 15 minutes, do we know how to quiet our mind and generate positive thoughts??

Another issue which I would like to touch upon here is how to work with people with ‘anger aura’, who are like touch me not? First of all look at the them also as someone who’s own energy is depleted, he is also living in fear and insecurity. And to hide those emotions, he is always in that anger aura. To deal with such people can be very difficult, but if your own battery is charged, you can deal with love and compassion towards such souls, healing and forgiving them all the while.

And on the other side a leader should realize the difference between fear and respect. At times a leader thinks that to get respect from otters, he has to maintain his touch me not, anger aura status, but respect should come from love and not from fear. Leader is the one whom everyone should feel like meeting, discussing and sharing, rather than going away, scared away because of fear. If there shall be a good bonding in the leader and his subordinates, then only there shall be good following of the instructions.

Another challenge which we commonly face in the office is gossip/ spreading rumors about each other. Realize that it is out of fear and insecurity, the other soul is behaving like that. If I am also fearful then I need to prove otherwise, let’s have compassion towards them, their own batteries are discharged. No body’s wrong, by nature they are also loving and peaceful, right now their vision is blurred. Fill your mind with positive thoughts about them and see the difference in their behavior. Always remember your thought leads to your destiny, you are your own master. Check your thoughts; are they towards internal progression or regression? Check and do what is right for you.

We have to charge our own battery, so that we can see the soul in the others, qualities of others, have faith in others. When we are at peace, love and power with our own self then only we shall be able to transmit love and peaceful energy to others, empowering them and developing healthy relationships.

Climbing Heights

Climbing heights, achieving success and rising in the ladder of corporate world, these are quite a heard of words around us. Let us examine how to rate success or achievement? Is it material prosperity like lands and buildings, stocks and shares, ornaments and armaments, cars and convertibles or is it subtle aspirations like success and recognition, power and position, knowledge and skill, relationships? Or is it the-growth within, the self enrichment, the journey from darkness to light. Definitely it is a movement towards the defined objective.

In life, value and belief systems assist in carrying on in spite of the stress placed on the character as one moves toward greater heights of success. For living successfully life should be rich in a wide variety of areas rather than having depth in only one and shallowness or emptiness in others. Bringing life into greater balance energizes us, expand opportunities for success in all areas, and lead to many exceptionally interesting and beneficial unintended consequences! Having a successful career, maintaining a successful relationship with family, conducting in a manner deserving of people’s respect, becoming a productive member of the community, and feeling satisfied all require planning, hard work, and perseverance. Success is not a static event or single goal to be met.

There will always be a higher mountain to climb. Charting the course and scaling the mountain that is our Personal Pinnacle of Success, it is a life-long process. If definitions of success and successful living evolve throughout our lifetime, we will ultimately derive a sense of satisfaction with our achievements as well as a feeling of being successful.

This is actually the secret of climbing heights and then staying in the saddle. 'Karma', the work is the means of reaching the heights of achievement in life. And 'Shama', the tranquility, it is the composed mind, calm mind, untrapped mind, uncluttered mind!!This is the means of preserving the achievement so gained in life.

In today's fast paced world, being good at what we do is not good enough to rise in the corporate hierarchy. We are expected to be good; that's what we get paid for. Being excellent will not do it either. Being excellent only means that we are filling our present place. It's no reason to be promoted or to rise on the corporate ladder.

To be noticed, to be invited to fill a higher and more rewarding position, we must be outstanding. That is where the money is. That's where the train that leads to the top starts. That's where we get the wings that will allow us to soar above the crowd and reach the rarefied air of the mountaintop of success.

Jim Rohn said it best, "Formal education will make you a living; self education will make you a fortune." It is by working every day to improve ourselves that we can acquire the competence to become outstanding and in doing so, become a magnet for opportunities and advancement.

The self-education that Jim Rohn talks about is not restricted to our area of expertise. It also encompasses the entire gamut of the disciplines covered in the self-improvement world. It's about life's philosophy, character building, communication and relationships along with the multitude of subjects being covered in the self-help movement.

Self-education is about personal growth in all its facets. It's about learning how to make finer distinctions and about taking wiser decisions. It's about better self-control and about leadership abilities. In one word, it about becoming a better and more complete person, smarter and wiser.

Greater success is the natural result of inner growth and self-actualization. Just as the tree depends on quality soil to reach maximal growth, success depends on the abundance of the intellect to bloom and flourish.

There are plenty of opportunities out there just waiting for those who have the courage and wherewithal to spend some time every day on self-improvement. Victory belongs to those who have earned it – not to those waiting for some lucky star that won't ever show up.

Valentine Special- Hold my hand

I remember vividly, holding your hand years back,
You used to show me the way, when it was cloudy and dark!!
I don’t know when and how my hand slipped away from yours;
I lost the touch and contact with you,
I had forgotten you, but you always guarded me,
You always loved me and cared for me,
Although when I didn’t care for you.



Today when I feel myself lost in this meaningless crowd,
Lost in the color, light, music, pomp and show of this world!!
My vision is clouded and I can’t see, I fall quite often,
Please hold my hand, I am tired, bewildered and lost!!
Show me the way; my path is all rough and steep,
Please hold my hand for I am hurt and in pain!!
Shower your love and care; please hold my hand once again.

Personal Leadership

Personal leadership represents the leadership that is beyond the ego. Ego based leadership is about power for control, prestige and personal reward; the kind we normally come up against! On the other hand Personal Leadership is about focusing on the needs and aspirations of ALL. Broadly speaking in personal leadership I will examine my knowledge of myself. How am I leading myself, before I want to lead others, whether in the family or at work or in the society?

The quality of our personal leadership beliefs will dictate how we will feel and behave. Personal leadership is leading from the inside – out. It is choosing to live from our own values, essence and sense of meaning – rather than the byproduct of life happening to us. As we change, and then become the role model for change – our environment changes as a byproduct. Old outdated behaviors like having the need to change/ control someone falls away and we become more allowing of those around us.

Successful Leaders know their Personal Leadership Philosophy and communicate it by living it passionately everyday in all they say and do. They have taken the time to determine who they are, their values and priorities. They know their course and have set their internal compass, which gives them greater self knowledge, greater self confidence, and improved effectiveness as a leader. They know how to create level and balance between work and home. Balance between physical, emotional, and intellectual needs. Not neglecting one at the expense of the others.

We all want to control the behavior of others, and thus call the outcome as leadership. How much is that a true leadership? A true leader is the one who knows to control his own behavior, let us examine how the individual’s behavior is controlled.

We all have five gross senses (eyes, ears, nostrils, tongue and skin), and we also have five acting senses (hands, legs, voice, genitals, and anus), and three subtle senses (mind, intelligence, and ego). Everything that we know and perceive is nothing but the products of the inexhaustible permutations and combination of the forms taken in through these thirteen senses. In this way our situation and behavior is carved by our perception of surroundings through these senses.

Without doubt, MIND is the most unsteady and difficult to control, the senses are the greatest source of distraction for mind. Mind is the leader and these ten senses are its employees/assistants. Mind has to control and give instructions to his assistants as a leader, and not the other way round. So next time you feel your junior assistant trying to influence and control you, first check is your mind under the influence of its assistants/ senses?? Mind is influenced by intelligence and ego, the other two subtle senses, intelligence is of-course budhi / wisdom which is positive but ego comes through stored unconscious habits of the past which is dangerous and need to be controlled.

Mind can be controlled through practice and dispassion (renunciation). To control our own mind we need to delink from the unnecessary negative thoughts from past, present and other sources on one side and on the other side we need to link the mind with God in order to get the right thoughts, to do any task or assess any situation.

One should through gradual practice attain tranquility by fixing the MIND on God, with reason controlled by steadfastness and without thinking of anything else. The application of de-linking process is based on the fact that at one moment when the MIND is engaged at one particular spot it is not linked with the other spot at the same moment. Thus if one trains oneself to disengage the MIND from the world outside it will by its own nature get directed towards the centre (the Atman). Let us look at it in another way. Our scriptures are full of description that the world is nothing, but an illusion or maayaa or dream. It has existence but is unreal. In fact, it is a creation of MIND. The same challenge is assessed and created differently by different minds, so at the end of the day it is all our mind’s creation.

If through subtle art of meditation one is able to consciously quiet the MIND, one realizes the falsehood of experience, like in dream it seems all so real but we realize it as unreal only after getting up from sleep. The reality of the Supreme presence of all pervading Paramaatman/ God becomes glorified once the false-existence of world, created by MIND is negated. Thus through the DELINKING PROCESS one can get linked with Paramatman/ God, which in fact is the REALITY and only due to ignorance one is slave of the senses and the MIND. There is need to become their master and in order to so the TAMING OF MIND, through abhyaas/ practice is to be followed by the DELINKING PROCESS. Once we have control over our own mind, we can easily get the desired results from our team members achieving effective leadership.

For personal leadership one can pray, study, listen, meditate and reflect as a regular practice, but setting aside an extended period of time for a more intensive encounter alone with God provides an incredibly rich grounding for leadership. Consistently making Him a part of our day to day activity, talking to Him and taking His guidance even on all petty issues. Keeping the following checks on a regular basis:

1. An integrity check – are we living out our stated values? Are our intentions and motivations honorable? Are we walking the talk?
2. An obedience check – are we doing what God has asked us to do? Following God’s laws and trusting His leadership? Confessing, repenting and forgiving?
3. A word check – are we able to perceive God’s truth and work it out in our own life? Can we discern God’s guidance for us personally? Being able to discern God’s guidance is a prerequisite to leading God’s people.

Those who don’t have their senses under control would have a difficult time living in the wilderness. According to Vedic philosophy, we living entities have been placed in this material world and given suitable bodies in order to fulfill our desire for sense enjoyment. Sense gratification is achieved by attempting to satisfy the aforementioned senses. However through experience, we learn that the senses actually never get satisfied. We are always hankering after something that we want, or lamenting after something that we don’t have. This cycle repeats over and over again, and through our desires and actions, we keep receiving new bodies after giving up our current ones at the time of death. True spiritual advancement only comes when we are able to subdue our senses. Connecting our minds with the Supreme Lord. By concentrating all of our activities on God, and always thinking about Him, we gradually become immune to the desires of our senses. It doesn’t require one to give up any of his activities, but simply relate them with God.

Once our internal compass is directionally oriented towards God, we shall lead in the right direction first our self and then people around us.