Help Yourself

If one has grown up as an adult, looking back all the time for all small issues of life, for help from outside, then one has just grown old as an adult and not at all rich in experience and maturity to solve the issues of life with self- help. So much of help lies inside us- which goes totally unnoticed. Each individual has the potential and capacity to solve all the challenges which life throws at them, but every time we have to look inwards for help, there is a deep embedded knowledge, power and strength already there. But as a child we should be exposed to our this faculty, otherwise it remains dormant, but still if one takes a decision to use it at any age one has to just go ahead. Mind is like a library, full of wisdom on all layers.

We are so full of self noise inside and outside, that this wisdom gets buried beneath all this noise. If we consciously decide to stay quiet, silent, talk less, talk softly, slowly and sweetly; when we talk loud we get disconnected with the natural rhythm of this universe. Beyond this noise lot of wisdom awaits, which shall flow from our own soul, in the form of self help required for any present situation.

Soul manifests through body, it carries lot of knowledge, if we are able to quiet our own mind, creating stillness and silence inside, then we can clearly hear to the soul. Soul can help us experience blissfulness amidst any kind of confusion. But first we have to create bliss inside; we shall then attract or draw bliss from all worldly pleasures. A miserable person will attract misery from every where.

There is short inspiring story of 4- Wives, which I had read as a child in a book, I would like to share it here:

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He was very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant was always in great fear that she might run away with some other men. He too, loved his 2nd wife. She was a very considerate person, always patient and in fact, merchant's confidante. When ever merchant faced any problem, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times. Merchant's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.


One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!" Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.


He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated. Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"


Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives:
a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
b. Our 3rd wife? - Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.
Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament. Let us help our self right now cultivating a soulful life.

Soul has three faculties which it has to use- mind, intellect and values/ belief system. But with most of us these three faculties get so dominating, that instead of soul running and managing them, they are on their own and soul sits in when corner neglected under the clutter of our mind. If the soul is in a blissful condition, pure, peaceful and calm, it shall get the right guidance from God. We should know our role. We are like a student and God is like a teacher/ guide/ power. He can teach us, guide us, give us strength but we have to perform in the exam our self, we can prepare with His help for the exam but we have to appear in the exam our self. So learn to take help from Him and prepare your soul, but appear in exams with your own help.

If the soul is in the right condition, it shall use the mind, intellect and belief system righteously to generate the right thought, from right thought comes the right feeling, from right feeling comes the right attitude, from right attitude comes the right words/ actions, they form our habit, then personality and it constitutes our Destiny. So we can create our right Destiny from just one right thought. Help yourself to generate this right thought.

Transformation is just one thought away, not years of work. It is really worth it. By just changing ourselves, we can actually make a big difference to make the world a better place.

Cutting Edge- Ingredients of Success

We have the power to create a perfect job for ourselves only when we use our choice for how we approach our work. We can make our personal and work life more fun, more creative, imaginative and rewarding, by just a little extra effort. There are ingredients of success that work for each one of us regardless of what business one is in or what kind of person he/she is. There's a certain magic in the ability to command and control the forces of life—to bring wave of dreams into reality, doing work as a form of self-expression, as a medium of joy and self-satisfaction, as an instrument of growth.

This redefinition of work from tedious drudgery into the purpose of life, or at any rate integral to it, is a paradigm shift of impressive proportions. Work is no longer separate from us; it is an important part of us. It is no longer the means to an end; it is an end in itself. Money, financial security, power, fame, and prestige shall cease to be the goal of work, they shall become it’s by products.

One can make life rich, multi-hued and dynamic, where work and self are intimately intertwined. Work derives form that we are, and in turn, it impacts on who we are. Draw strokes on society's palette that is strong, unique, and positive. In realizing perfect work, we are actually realizing ourselves.

Happiness happens when we fit with our life. When we fit so harmoniously that whatever we are doing is our joy. In other words, one should choose to enjoy the work. Being happy comes from the way we think at our very core – and that thinking shapes the work we do. Not the other way around.

Learning starts with knowing our own self. Socrates said “Know thyself” for a good reason. Feeling inadequate is stressful, but knowing we have unique gifts to contribute to the world of work provides immense satisfaction. The more one knows about the strengths, more one creates the work life of enjoyment. Let us identify our strengths so that we can redesign our job as such it becomes more meaningful and fulfilling because it capitalizes on our strengths. One understands his life’s purpose and defines himself as who he is, rather than what he does. Knowing life’s purpose allows creating a passionate work life that feels more like play than work. Expressing true self escalates self- esteem.

One should be honest to admit strengths and weaknesses. Know where to improve and do not waste time neglecting the weak aspects of personality. Instead, work at it so that they will be well-rounded to be able to adapt to different situations. When our life moves toward the direction of our focus, we receive the richest rewards when we support our strengths rather than warring against our weaknesses. When we concentrate on our most valuable talents and contributions, seen and unseen resources help us accomplish our purpose.

The key here is one is always blessed with and has that personal power within to create a meaningful, joyful and fulfilling work environment- you are the creator. You are yourself the miracle, whom you are searching and seeking for last so many years of your life. A fulfilling life doesn’t create a happy individual. A happy individual creates a fulfilling life- the cutting edge to succeed is always with you, just use it and succeed.

Irrespective of what others might have told, our personality is as flexible as that of a newborn baby. With self- awareness and clear intentions, one can reconfigure the brain as many times and in as many ways and shapes the soft clay can be molded. One has the ability and choice as to how does one respond and perceive any situation. One always has the power to mold the attitude and respond in ways that are winning.

One can anytime reprogram the neural network of the brain by carving new pathways of joy and intelligent optimism. When faced with an unpleasant situation, which cannot be altered, embrace the challenge with the curiosity of a small child- “I wonder what I shall learn this time”. Solving situations is exciting because the process would eventually produce personal and professional growth. One has to focus on how to be productive and identify what can be enjoyed in the present moment.

When we have the power to change our self, we have the power to change the world around us. With this knowledge one is free. Notice the mirror effect in action, whatever image and energy we project in it, it comes back to us multifold. When we radiate a calm accepting presence we are immediately rewarded with the kind supportive, external environment.

We are the sole commander of our attitude, emotional state, and how we react to challenges. Employees who are peaceful and fulfilled recognize that most challenges can be resolved by shifting perceptions. It is impossible for any situation to trouble us. Only our opinions of circumstances cause despair, anger and agony.

Inner turmoil is never caused by what exists. It is brought about by the desire for something different, and we resist and do not accept the reality. Pain is created by resistance to what exists. Identifying our preferences yet being detached from a specific outcome produces a profoundly beneficial state of mind, the mind is our private inner sanctuary of freedom and peace. Recognize that unpleasant situations are opportunities for growth. When we change our perceptions then the world rewards with a very different reality.

If we are to enjoy our jobs and reach our highest levels of self- actualization, it is essential that we encounter every situation as a possibility of growth and development.

Life Is Ironic

Life is so ironic, to understand fully, it takes sadness to appreciate real happiness, absence to value presence, noise to distinguish silence, a broken heart to find true love and trials to understand prayers.

It’s amazing how life is… Funny, ironic, strange, beautiful, sad, happy, painful, joyful. There are so many different shades to this wonderful creation of God and gift to mankind. It is like a beautiful painted picture and all these emotions are its various shades/colors, if it was all happy, and one color the beauty of the painting would be lost, since it has so many colors, and each color has its own role to play, altogether it looks so beautiful.

It's important for us to understand that when things find their way into our lives which are unexpected and/or may prove to be difficult to understand or even to make sense of, they often-times come with the loving hand of our Father in Heaven guiding us to where He would have us be. We must be honest and admit that we spend a great deal of time arranging our lives in a way that proves comfortable for us. However, our loving Father knows that this is not always what is best for us.

Troubles rouse our spirits, and constrain us to call upon the Lord in good earnest, when we feel a need of that help which we only can have from Him.
What do you do with the "but God" moments in life? When God interrupts your good plans, how do you respond? A great life lesson about how we view things that happen to us.....

Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments. Life's troubles and trials are only a part out of a big picture. We must be slow about drawing conclusions... Although we may not understand our circumstances, God does. His plan works everything out in His time, for our good and our growth....God, He is the one who has painted the complete picture of our life we are the one who sees it in parts, that is why at times we are overwhelmed and confused why this? why me? why now? But we can always pray: if we can’t have what we want, let us want what we have.

Note the word "consider." We have a choice concerning how we will view our trials. Are trials really divine paybacks for sin or a God sent opportunity to grow in spiritual maturity? It is so easy to react to difficult circumstances rather than carefully and thoughtfully respond to them. To react is natural. Responding to that same situation demands discipline. The issue is not what I feel like doing, but rather what should I do. Is God in control or am I alone? Trials offer an opportunity to make a conscious choice to think naturally or supernaturally.

There is something to be learned from praying even when it seems there is no answer. We learn important lessons in faith when we persevere in prayer and eventually see God’s miracle in our life, we would learn not to lose heart. No matter how bad your situation might seem, no matter how hopeless the circumstances, or how helpless you might feel, don’t lose heart. It may seem like God is far away and has abandoned you, but that is never the case. Instead, God wants you to learn how to persevere in your faith. Faith does not grow when everything is smooth and easy; faith grows when we are facing suffering or trials.

God will sometimes refuse our requests or delay in answering them. At those times we may become very frustrated and feel like giving up.
To those who persevere in prayer, God will act speedily. This should encourage us not to give up, not to lose hope. God will answer us according to his divine clock and by his eternal timing. It may sometimes seem like it’s taking too long, but years later we will understand the purpose of God’s timing.

The last thing is that true miracles happen in the heart. So when you find that people are especially kind to you and you are astonished how someone you would not expect has come to your rescue, or fixed something which you could not fix yourself, all through the goodness of that person's heart, you may draw the parallel that God has worked a miracle for you through that person's heart.

Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything – In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

Life is ironic so let us get inspired with the most minuscule ironic things in life. Little joys, people, things, incidents… that breathe of fresh air, smile on a child’s face, morning sun rays filtering through leaves of the tree, that lovely chat with an old friend, a warm hug with your loved one and all other small things, which are plenty to be seen all around, each day.

Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turned out. Let us enjoy the irony of life.

Immunity To Criticism

Criticism is something we have been coming across since childhood, but most of the time even after growing up, our response remains something similar.
When a child is raised with condemnation, judgment and criticism, at subconscious level, he or she makes the association that if he were to speak and express himself, he would be opening himself to being verbally attacked, judged and condemned. He learns that the way to stay safe & comfortable and to avoid parent’s rejection and criticism is to remain quiet and say nothing. This strategy works as a child but not as an adult, staying quiet and saying nothing, shall prevent one from a deep and satisfying relationship with his spouse and children; and preventing oneself from furthering his career and feeling fulfilled at work. In fact, one shall never be his true self.

There is no single human being who has not experienced criticism, but what is the right way of handling it constructively and thus gaining the power and significance of developing immunity to criticism.

Now, let’s talk about how to develop immunity to criticism.
Being criticized can be a horrible or even traumatic experience. And constant criticism is a sure fast way of killing the intimacy and love within a relationship, often shattering the recipient’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Criticism and blame lead to contempt, and contempt destroys the relationship.

Criticism is a serious problem for all relationships – family, romantic and work-based. The fear of criticism causes many people to either freeze-up or do nothing, or to structure their behavior and personality to please and appease the other person. When a person is afraid of being criticized, he or she will take no action, take no risks and will not perform at his or her best.
Accordingly, they do nothing except try to maintain the status quo and eventually, the status quo leaves them in the dust.

Some so-called self-help gurus and motivational speakers will tell you to ignore all criticism but this is the extreme response; we must be open to feedback and we must be able to engage in some level of self-criticism or self-evaluation. At the same time though, I do believe in learning and developing the ability to become immune to criticism.

What does that mean? Not becoming susceptible or vulnerable to criticism; not taking it personally. Even as a child when one goes through criticism, please realize the circumstances and situations, the parent goes through, maybe he himself had a critical childhood, or his present is upsetting etc etc. so don’t take that criticism as personal to you, it was situational at that time. And at present the situations are different.

The expression “don’t take it to heart” applies here. The key is to act almost as a scientist who simply observes but does not place any emotional attachment to the feedback.

Truly successful and fulfilled people with high self-esteem are not harshly or destructively critical of themselves. They observe and self-evaluate and are open to feedback.

And so it is with most of us, the reason we often feel quickly queasy, off balance, defensive or afraid when someone says something critical, something we don’t like, is because we either doubt ourselves or they have raised an unresolved issue for us. However, when confronted with a person who thrives on attacks and criticize, then it is best to remember your key strengths at that time. It is his opinion and he has full right to have a different opinion, but what matters more is what you think about yourself, how much faith and confidence you have in your own self.

Finally, if we are to achieve anything great in our lives, then we must expect criticism and be okay with receiving it. Winston Churchill said “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” And we must expect criticism if we are to attempt anything new because we have to first try and not everyone will like what we do. Albert Einstein said: “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

And no matter what you do, not everyone will like you. It is impossible to please everyone for everyone has their own opinion and sees the world through their own filters. We have to be first happy and peaceful with ourself , as such you will be wasting your energy trying to make others happy!!

In the words of Winston Churchill, “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that whenever you are climbing the ladder of success, criticism is part and parcel of this ladder, you should feel happy about it as you feel this pull, accept it, learn from it and move ahead. If you are running in a race, your eyes are focused on the finishing line, not on the people who are watching you, or may be criticizing you or judgmental towards the way you are running, if you stop in the middle and start listening and responding to them, you have served to their purpose, as they don’t want you to succeed.
The negative words and criticism is outside you unless you choose it to penetrate through your thoughts. You can either be a reflector and let it go, or an absorber and keep living with it for the rest of your life. You always have a choice, and choose what is beneficial to you and not the one which is harmful. Let’s develop this Immunity, and it shall make you stronger emotionally.

Corporate Treadmill

Work pressure, expectations from the boss, market conditions and thus, the stressed goal sheets in office- all this leads to frustration that you cannot think of expressing at your workplace. Most of the time you carry it back home with you, and take it out on your loved ones, as they are easily available with listening ear. But that’s not fair!!!, thus creating further imbalance in your life both at home and work.

Let us examine the corporate life with a compassionate eye, many professionals locked in a room running on a treadmill for whole of their life, all the while give so much effort and determination yet not going anywhere? That is how most people end up living. We wake up and spend way too much time driving to work, once there we spend way too much time and energy working very hard for someone else, leaving our own self unfulfilled and empty!

Life waits for no one, and often we get hints of how we can waste away our most precious resource when we work 14 hour days, and our dinner is cold when we get home, our kids are already in bed, and our spouse is just getting ready to turn in for the night. We can miss out on so much! The workplace where we spend so much more time and end up reaching nowhere, if we actually get present to that time and place, make it more meaningful, richer, fuller, compatible and enjoyable, we shall be living a better life with more prosperity and abundance, not only at work but also at home.

Internationally renowned personalities known for their management concepts and practices, even our own Indian management gurus, have given wonderful gyan sessions on leadership and management. But is it not all leading to too much intramural competition creating high pressure and tension and stands in the way of collaboration. Each one wants to promote himself, and then even if it is at the expense of others their life and career.

I agree workplace competition is healthy — sometimes. When it leads to rivalry, the results can be toxic. Many employees today are dealing with backstabbing of colleagues and hostile work environments. Competition is healthy for people. It encourages each individual to work hard and strive to be the best. Too much competition within a group of people working together, however, can be detrimental to the harmony of the team, and thus to the overall progress of the organization.

Those who suggest that "a little healthy competition can’t hurt" are thinking only of offensive tactics and forget that even these efforts, if out of alignment with corporate goals or values, can hurt the organization. When the employee wins, the organization may lose, if not in the short term, then in the long term.

We all are still walking on this corporate treadmill and getting nowhere! Of course there is a solution, which needs to rework the basics, or rather go back to basics, because as a human nature, we all want bonding with others, love, peace and happiness around us, being honest and faithful to our co workers and get the same in return. And this can be done in corporate world also, with little extra effort.

If you are in command and leading the team then you have to facilitate and empower others, be a guide with a torch in your hands, leading them. At no point you should create fear and insecurity in their minds. Even if a feedback is to be given check the intention with which it is given is important, is it an intention to pull down or to pull up and empower. There is always a transfer of energy between two people while going through a conversation. If the intention is of hurt, anger, insecurity, there is a transfer of negative energy, while if you are giving a constructive, positive feedback, for the overall benefit then there is positive energy flow, which works for the benefit of the team and organization as a whole. Stress always brings down the performance and so does the flow of negative energy at the workplace. Even if you need to criticize someone, check your intention first, do it with acceptance towards the other person and see the difference.

Whenever you are throwing your anger on a poor soul, check your own insecurity first, there must be some hidden– Fear and Self- Doubt, which is to be overcome, and it is the most unhealthy emotion for yourself first and then anyone else. For your own benefit, you have to work with yourself, overcoming your own weakness and then anyone else.

We should replace the feeling of insecurity and fear to trust and belongingness in our peers and subordinates. People working in the same team, work in collaboration rather than competition, and then we shall start enjoying the different flavors and colors corporate life has to offer.

It shall be much easier to overcome your frustrations and maybe even turn them into inspirations. This will give you the power to succeed in any organization. This is the trick to overall success and happiness, striking the right balance at work and home.

Let us not forget that a treadmill shall not lead otherwise anywhere. Even if you win this rat race, you still remain a rat, come out of this be a human first and not a machine. Otherwise imagine yourself in an endless, self defeating and pointless pursuit of life. Like the futile effort of a lab rat trying to escape whilst running around a maze or in a wheel, in the modern city, many rats in a single maze expend a lot of effort running around, but ultimately achieve nothing (meaningful) either collectively or individually.

We spend a whole life and realize at the end of it where did I reach? What was that I wanted? We still have time; stop and check, where are you going? We can make the same place much more fulfilled and meaningful for us. The world around us can change and become much better if we are ready to change our-self, it is very simple. It starts from oneself and ends at oneself only.

Mind Detox – Take The Garbage Out

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become”- Buddha

Mind is a very powerful resource- God’s gift to us, which if used properly can create a beautiful life. On the other side if left unchecked, life can become miserable- what is your choice?

As we have healthy food for the body, we keep a check on what we put into our digestive system, to keep the body healthy, similarly we have to keep a check on the diet we are giving to our mind. Pure thoughts are the healthy diet for the mind. Creative thoughts are like vitamins and positive thoughts provide proteins that build will power, while thoughts of serving others are like carbohydrates, which provide energy for the mind. Feed the mind righteously; keep a constant check on the thoughts you are feeding your mental system with. These thoughts not only effect your day to day action, prosperity, success and money but also your health. If garbage is put in only garbage shall come out – stop and check.

One might have to reformat the system, because for years of life you have been thinking in a certain pattern, based on past experiences, information and belief system one holds. Lot of garbage has already being fed into the system. Thoughts are like a CD that is played in the laptop of the mind. What you play is what you see and experience. What you think is what you live. To make changes in your life it is necessary to eject the old CD, and insert a new one that you like. Stop and check.

It is very simple let us take few examples: boss said something wrong; this is stimulus, as an employee one would give response to it, but in between this stimulus and response is the freedom to choose. It is not what he said to me, it is what I did with what he said to me. Most of the time in between what was said and how we reacted to it, we start drawing inferences from it based on what our CD is playing. So stop and check.

In physics we have studied that a metal’s stress is inversely proportional to its resilience although the pressure remains constant on different metals. The stress would change on each metal based on how much resilient it is. Similarly how much resilient is your mind and soul, would depend your reaction to any given situation. What material is your soul made of? – weak metals like copper and tin can easily be bend, but iron and Gold can pass through any amount of pressure. Gold rather becomes more beautiful after passing through fire. This is resilience, which even we are accountable for, how much resilient is my spirit, when it comes across a challenge. This resilience is a very important term with a deep meaning; I shall cover it separately in another post.

Another example is first time you taste a cup of green tea, and you don’t like it, but next time you programme your mind and you love the same cup of tea. The list is endless, but the trick is important.

Now this new programming shall only be possible once the earlier junk or garbage is cleared, cleaned or detox. We need to sit in silence everyday for a while atleast, keeping all our hi- tech gadgets switched off. And in this silence feed your mind with best possible positive thoughts, with a daily effort of 15 minutes and religiously doing the same for 40 days, it shall become a part of your life and believe me, just do it as prescribed like a medicine and see the difference in your happiness, peace, health and success.

Your mind holds fears, worries, stress and so forth. Mind detox is removing the compulsive thoughts, fears, hates, worries and other attachments from our minds; this removing is only possible by replacing, replacing this negative slowly and slowly by all positive. So stop- check, waste thoughts, they are of no use rather harmful.

Right thought creates the right vibration, if you think yourself as a victim of situations; others would also see a victim in you and not a leader. Stop and Check. Actually you can lead your life the way you want; God has given you the powers and resources to achieve this. You are not a victim but a conqueror.

At times because of our previous hurt, even in a new relationship we start building a wall around us in order to protect us in this new relationship (whether boss, colleagues, friends or spouse). The wall is build of our own mind stories based on past experiences, so that now we are not hurt again. The moment you build this wall the energy flow in the relationship gets blocked, and then we find ourselves in the similar situations with similar people, but actually it is our own repetitive behavior of that repetitive CD which is running in the mind. So the key is detox your earlier CD, create a new one and change the situations you find yourself in.
All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. Today you create thoughts of your spouse cheating with you; tomorrow he shall do it actually. Because of your thoughts, which became your body language, negative energy and behavior or may be words, reality manifested.

You go for a fresh interview and carry your old baggage of thoughts with you, and then you say the interview panel rejected you, where as you rejected yourself in your thoughts before the panel did the needful in reality.

Guard your thoughts. Stop And Check.