Grow A Backbone

Having a backbone means to speak our mind, take risks, stand up for our self and others, be trusted, and taking a position and holding on to it. Most people think they have a backbone as physically we all do, but mentally where is it? Having a backbone mentally means to have control of our environment, one is more hopeful, empowered, enthusiastic and in turn it makes it easier to take on any type of challenges.

Do you feel as if everyone is taking advantage of your good nature? Feel disrespected and want to be able to stand for your ground without guilt or fear. If friends, family and colleagues see you as the person who’s always available to help them out or pick up the extra stuff, they’ll continue to ask favors because as far as they’re aware, you always say ‘yes’, so you must be happy to do it. And when the resentment builds up to the point where you lash out at the next person to ask you for something, they’ll be genuinely shocked. You need to realize it’s not just people taking advantage of you – you’re allowing them to, by always saying yes. Is it a fear of rejection or conflict that’s holding you back from standing up for yourself, this you only need to check? But no matter what the reason is that you always say ‘yes’, you’re actually doing the other person involved (as well as yourself) a disservice.

For many it is hard to stand up for what he believes in and get others to do the same. Most take the back seat while the "man in charge" delivers orders. Now it's our time to shine, our time to grow one. Stop living a spineless miserable life of a shy, under confident person, that is tired of his life and its unexpected outcomes. Now is the time to take charge and grow the spine. Start speaking the mind, losing the fear of opposition, and going to stop going with the majority. Follow these simple steps to begin growing a backbone and living a healthier life.

Stop apologizing. Many of us use the term "I'm sorry" far too frequently and often at inappropriate times. Think about when you use those two simple words. Is it a situation that you truly should be sorry for?

To develop a backbone, voice your opinion and be proud of what you have to say; people will take notice and listen. Speak up. Tell those around what you need. Assertiveness requires good communication skills. Be clear and firm with what you desire. Practice standing up for yourself by conveying your wants and desires to others. Simply communicate that you have thoughts, opinions and needs, too. Once you begin to express these better, the people around you will learn how to appreciate and respect you more, too.

The most important component of growing a backbone is being Competent. Competence means being self sufficient. You don't need anybody to take care of yourself. You can take care of your own necessities of life. Don’t always look for another shoulder to carry your load. Age does not bring self sufficiency; it is to be cultivated on daily basis. On one side there are even kids who are self sufficient, and on the other side there are adults who look for answers to their challenges outside, depending upon others.

Don’t grow a wishbone where a back bone ought to be. ~ Clementine Padford ~

Least do we realize but we spent a lifetime wishing for everything. Wishing had a newer car, a better place to live, more money, better clothes, a better body, a loving spouse, to have lots of friends, to be successful….. wished and wished. How many times a day we wish for things in our life, no idea but it sure is a lot. By just wishing and no action one feels small, no presence, rather handicapped, feeling not smart enough to survive on his own..… having no backbone. How can one possibly stand up without a backbone? Take responsibility for your own life, rather than waiting for someone else to come around and fix it for you. Instead of looking to the horizon for a knight in shining armor, need to roll up the shirtsleeves and get to work figuring out what needed to be done.

Wishbones help us know who we really are and what our dreams and aspirations are. Backbones give us the courage and resolve to make those dreams a reality. Let’s celebrate how we can use them together to fully enjoy a creative and productive life.

Our attitude is everything and impacts how other people perceive us, right through to the signals we're unconsciously sending out. Our attitude sets the tone of our voice, the quality of our thoughts, and is reflected in our facial expressions and body language.

In this modernized world, women serve as a pillars of strength—bearing the weight of so many responsibilities. From motherhood to corporate life to volunteer hours, today’s woman does it all. The days of wishing for a better tomorrow have disappeared. Today, we are empowered to make choices– to take the helm and control our path- growing our backbone.

Know Thyself Better

Most of us believe that we know ourselves very well. But in reality lot of people are strangers to themselves. Why? Not everyone is courageous enough to travel the path within to achieve a better self-understanding. For a person to have a well-lived life, it is important that he knows himself well.

Know thyself, and thou shall know the Universe and God.- Pythagoras
Learning about oneself is a lifetime process. Every day we are given new insights about our self. Maintaining the hunger to know our self better makes us more self-aware, opening up new opportunities to enrich our life.

We are born as a baby, taken care and brought up by our family, receive education by schools and colleges, and then employed by some company to earn a living. Life goes like a journey, in between platforms keep changing. The earlier we ask this question; that do I know myself, the earlier chances of leading a happy and successful life.

It is true that if we are happy with our self then only we can make anyone else happy. To make our self happy we have to know what we are and this demands some self-exploration. The best way to know our self is to be honest about our feelings and explore every new thing which God is exposing us to. Instead of being laid back always welcome anything new which is there around and never ever say no. Then only one gets more challenges and get to know the self better.

Meeting new people and making friends with them is the other way through which we can know our self better. It's always when we meet somebody new then we come across a person with new set of habits, attitude, knowledge, behavior and personality. When we interact with that person we come across so many points which are missing in us. Then we contemplate on the way we reacted with him, or went along with him. In a way we are helping our self to know in a much better way.

Learning new things in life also help in getting to know our self better. You never know while exploring something new you might come across something which excites you and reveals some new personality trait in you. Trying out a new game, hobby, food, and activity should always be welcomed in life.

Life is a wonderful journey to explore. It's up to us how we can make out the best out of this exploration. Therefore let us start exploring first!

We all possess a soul blueprint, even in basic terms, a high level of common sense. When life begins to change, the only place that we can go is within. Going within, is the only way to know our self better and going within is the only way to understand how to proceed on the journey of life change.

Knowing our self better can bring out the best in who we are, and as we are on the journey of our own discovery, be patient and be kind to yourself. Knowing yourself better, is a journey worth taking.

Do the unusual thing: When faced with a choice in daily life, step back for a minute and think. Then take the option that is and feels unusual or difficult one.
Do something new and something you wouldn’t expect from yourself. For example if you often step back from a challenge,just don’t for this one time. If you often get into arguments with people then just don’t this one time and instead just let it go or treat the other person with kindness. Do the opposite of what you usually do and see what happens (while using common sense of course).

This is fun and great way to get new experiences and to learn things about the world and about our self that we wouldn’t know if we kept going like we usually do. It’s also a great way to be surprised about life as things often turn out more positively.

Getting stuck in the same old routine until it becomes a rut can suck the life out of us. Doing the unusual thing in small and big situations, no matter how it goes, is a great way to feel alive again and to reveal aspects of our self that may have been hidden from us.

Expand the mind by becoming aware of the things we resist. We do not need to change anything. Awareness is a catalyst for true change. In its light, ignorance cannot persist.

Know Your Own Self Worth

In life one may travel a lot, may go places, have loads of experiences, good or bad, but one should never lose sight of who you are and what is the self worth.

"I am unique I am worth it and I deserve much more”.

The way forward to our own true life, is from the inside. Get to know and love yourself.

If we allow our value to be determined by others, by how useful we are to them, we may find our self constantly running around taking care of them, trying to prove our worth. We are allowing our validation to come from outside of our self. Our energy will be spent proving our worthiness to others.

We have the power completely within us to decide how to see and treat our self. If we first decide and appreciate our talent, capabilities and intelligence, it will be easier for others to see these parts of us.

It means knowing our good points and also knowing our points needing improvement. It means knowing how to take a compliment and accept a thank you. It means having pride in our accomplishments but without arrogance. Arrogance is the polar opposite of humility; it is thinking we are better than we really are.

One of the most common things people tend to base their concept of self worth on, is the job they do. OK fine, but what happens if one cannot do the job anymore?
What happens when one retires?
What happens if one becomes or was born, disabled, and all the "jobs" are no longer possible?
Now, does this mean that one no longer has any self worth?
Well, in the eyes of some people,.... But, important fact here, in your own eyes, has anything changed.

So what's my point? One’s self worth does not, or should not, depend on anything or anyone, outside of one self.

In the midst of an economy that has been slow in generating new jobs, it is dangerous to measure self-worth and the worth of others through a job title or the ability to make money. The family breadwinner who gets laid off and suddenly faces unemployment for the first time in his life, the idealist who quits an unfulfilled job to pursue a satisfying but less lucrative career or the college graduate who, has difficulty finding meaningful employment after graduation, suffer deep emotional blows if they tie their self-worth to a job.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

The reality is, our self-worth is in our own eyes, who and what one really is. Not what we can do for others, or what place we hold on the social scale, it's not our job, or our status, it's you .... you as a person, what you are inside that matters.

You are worthy by the simple reason you exist, you don't have to be anything else. You live, you breathe, and as long as you do both of those things, you have the ability to use whatever resources you have, for whatever purposes you want to.

Job titles or status, are wrong. None of that has anything thing to do with who and what we are. So whatever your pathway, it's for you and you alone to decide that. Once you have decided it, and accept the reality behind it, then you have a clear inner mirror, your self-worth is rock solid, as it’s based on your own personal thoughts.

We have no say on what another thinks, but we do have a choice on how we let those thoughts affect us.

May our inner mirror be bright. The more we feel good, the more we love our self and the more we love yourself the more positive things will come our way, since we will be receptive to them.

When we start looking within and celebrating the Truth of who we truly are, then we can celebrate our unique differences instead of judging them out of fear.

Transforming Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs serve as filters of our reality. We see the reality in a different way than others because we have different beliefs than the other person. The same situation is viewed differently by different people. That's why the situation that we find funny might be completely depressing to others. At times we mistakenly look at the world and think that what we see and perceive is the real world. However limiting beliefs color our lives in the way that is only true to us. It's very hard at that time to understand that the life that we perceive is only so because of our own limiting beliefs.

Here I would like to share a small childhood story, which explains how a limiting belief can influence the entire lifespan of an individual.
It goes:
Once upon a time, there was a large mountainside, where an eagle's nest rested. One day an earthquake rocked the mountain causing one of the eggs to roll down the mountain, to a chicken farm, located in the valley below. The chickens knew that they must protect and care for the eagle's egg, so an old hen volunteered to nurture and raise the large egg. One day, the egg hatched and a beautiful eagle was born.
Sadly, however, the eagle was raised to be a chicken. Soon, the eagle believed he was nothing more than a chicken. The eagle loved his home and family, but his spirit cried out for more. While playing a game on the farm one day, the eagle looked to the skies above and noticed a group of mighty eagles soaring in the skies. "Oh," the eagle cried, "I wish I could soar like those birds." The chickens roared with laughter, "You cannot soar with those birds. You are a chicken and chickens do not soar." The eagle continued staring, at his real family up above, dreaming that he could be with them.
Each time the eagle would let his dreams be known, he was told it couldn't be done. That is what the eagle learned to believe. The eagle, after time, stopped dreaming and continued to live his life like a chicken. Finally, after a long life as a chicken, the eagle passed away. The moral of the story: We become what we believe we are; so if you ever dream to become an eagle follow your dreams, not the words of a chicken.

The true source of the problem is our own unexamined thoughts and feelings. When we are willing to explore these unresolved places in ourselves, we stop projecting them onto others. We stop wanting others to change so that we feel better. We accept the fundamental reality of people and situations and respond accordingly. This approach potentially shifts the whole dynamic of a relationship. Friction fades to freedom; resistance to wise responding.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” African proverb

It is so important to realize that how you were treated had very little to do with you. The person who could not give you what you needed was unable to tend to their own painful emotions. Both of you were unaware of what was happening and both ill-equipped to handle it wisely. Let us work on that and check the limiting belief here.

How can we go about identifying and transforming any limiting beliefs that may be hurting our health and overall quality of life? This may not be easy to do because most limiting beliefs are subconsciously at work, and were likely acquired when we were growing up. But there are a few key steps that we can go through to shed clarity on any limiting beliefs that we may be holding on to. Remove that emotional glue to limiting belief and enjoy a life of happiness and freedom.

Any belief that is hurting, scrutinize its base find out that if it’s based on a lot of solid evidence or only a few assumptions. Examine and question assumptions. This technique involves asking first what assumptions are being made to support that belief and then questioning the validity of those assumptions.

Many of these beliefs bring painful past experiences, and reveal a lot of negative emotions. What needs to remembered is that these beliefs are not true! Don't beat yourself up for them and don't feel guilty, because we're about to change our limiting beliefs into empowering statements that will drastically change our inner and our outer worlds.

We have to actually work to let go of our limiting beliefs by focusing our energy to consciously create new and inspiring beliefs about ourself and our world.
Some of the Beliefs to live by:
I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.
• I orchestrate my own experience of life
• Life is naturally abundant. There is enough for everyone
• Life, when lived properly, is easy and happy
• I can do anything if I apply myself in the right way
• Circumstances arrange themselves and opportunities are presented for my greatest good

Once an empowering belief is identified, stitch it into the life. Beliefs are like muscles and they become stronger with regular exercise and in the case of our beliefs, we exercise them by thinking, writing, and even talking about them.

‘The thing happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.’ Frank Lloyd Wright

We are what we think ourself to be!

We are limited only by our own thoughts!!

Let’s throw off the limits and empower ourself!!!

Build Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy is the key to success outside and peace within. Self efficacy is the belief you hold about what you can and cannot make happen in your life. It does not refer to the actual skills you have, but what you believe you can accomplish with existing skills and the faith that any new skill can always be developed. It is about believing you have the ability to pull together your social, physical, thinking and behavioral skills to accomplish bigger, bolder goals than you originally thought possible. It is stretching beyond your limits and achieving a better fulfilled life.

Self-efficacy is defined as having a core belief or conviction about one's abilities, efficiency and effectiveness. Self efficacious people have the initiative, a high level of confidence, considerable amount of self esteem, think analytically, and are action oriented and persistent. They give up only after the task is accomplished.

This is normally defined as believing in one's own ability to be successful at any given task. Self-efficacy has been linked to workplace performance and specifically to overcoming the challenges which life throws at us. Logically, greater self-efficacy may either enhance ability to tolerate negative gravity, or it may increase the ability to seek positive in any given challenge. It plays a major role in how we perceive situations and how we behave in response to different situations. A person with high self-efficacy tends to set very high goals and remains motivated despite the threat of failure.

People with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

• View challenging problems as tasks to be mastered.
• Develop deeper interest in the activities in which they participate.
• Form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities.
• Recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments.
• Have the "I can do it" and "I will do it" attitude.

It is this certainty that makes them self motivated and able to handle a task and overcome obstacles and challenges with little help from outside. They set goals and execute the actions required and find the resources, ideas and solutions. They make good leaders, innovators and entrepreneurs.

Get the basics right. Either you master a situation or the situation masters you.

Self-efficacy, being a situation-specific form of self-confidence, is enhanced when the perception of self is increased. Positive internal expectations lead to intrinsic motivation. There are many areas of the self that can affect self-efficacy in either positive or negative ways. A great deal of emphasis is placed on the qualities of a positive attitude which impacts levels of motivation, including positive self-expectancy, self-image, self-control, self-esteem, and self-awareness. A positive self-expectancy occurs when an individual usually gets what he or she expects. A positive self-image occurs when an imagined success becomes an actual success; in such a situation, positive self-talk has an enormous impact. Positive self-control is when an individual is capable of accepting responsibility for outcomes. Finally, a positive self-awareness breeds a sense of strength because individuals know themselves as well as where they are going. The importance of positive expectations is a quality that describes the thoughts of a champion. To summarize, positive self-expectations increase motivational levels.

The will to win is not as important as the will to prepare to win. Maintaining or improving your belief in your abilities is the first step to prepare to win. Mental toughness is vital in these challenging times. There is no doubt that people with a resilient self-efficacy and a positive outlook will emerge from the current economic downturn with greater momentum. Knowing that you can influence and shape your thoughts offers you a powerful edge. One has to develop a powerful positive visualization for any given situation or challenge.

For instance, people high in self-efficacy take better care of themselves, see tasks as something to be mastered, and they feel more empowered. They’re not controlled by circumstances. They see setbacks as challenges to be overcome and can cope with hardship better than those with low self-efficacy. They learn from failure and channel it into success. People higher in self-efficacy also have a greater sense of motivation and persistence.

Visualization is a powerful tool. Not only is seeing believing, when it comes to self-efficacy, believing is seeing…. results. Visualization not only primes your brain for success and enhances self-efficacy; it also helps you to see the smaller steps you need to take to reach your end goal. Another great way to build self-efficacy beliefs is to elicit encouragement from friends and family and to stay away from those who discourage you. Quality social support is a key ingredient to self-efficacy, persistence and ultimately success. Find your best advocates and invite them to be part of your campaign for change.

Resilience- In Daily Life

Resilience is much more than the ability to bounce back. Resilience requires embracing the challenges of life and working with them, rather than moving around them, avoiding or withdrawing from them. It is changing the thoughts of fear and despair into faith and hope. Two important ingredients of resilience are positive energy and good health.

How does one work with the challenge? It is possible when we look at it as an opportunity for growth, self improvement, thus transforming a difficulty into development. Suffering in human life is actually like an engine of human development. Suffering brings riches we could find in no other way that is why it is necessary to go through it, learning and developing all throughout and thus getting victory over it. Vicissitudes of life are means to shape our character. When adversity is faced by a resilient spirit, you are actually transforming it into discovery and development and thus making a good fortune out of it.


When something goes wrong do you get better or bitter? Getting better is resilience. Life tests us and our capacity to cope, and the more we can cope up with; the richer and fuller our life gets. We have to learn to spring back after suffering through difficult and stressful times in one's life, to bounce back with more power and energy. It is more about surviving and thriving after trauma.

Resilient people face challenges and they do not break down. They know how to soothe themselves without being victims. They make it through the mire. These individuals redefine their world and create a new and successful life. When unpleasant things happen, they are ready to respond in a productive way. The skill sets involved revolve around the ability to move on after a set-back, regrouping after a defeat, learning quickly from mistakes, turning a negative into a positive. Resilience is a form of marketplace elasticity. It allows anyone involved to stretch and bend - to rebound without breaking under the most turbulent of situations. And we all know if you don’t bend your break. Faced with any situation, try all the options: amend it, adapt to it, avoid it and if nothing possible accept it as it is, this too shall pass.

When you are driving your car and another driver is driving wrong and coming head on to hit you, the first and foremost reflex is to save ourselves, we do not go ahead and collide for an accident with him, we have to save ourselves first. Similarly in life even if other person is doing wrong or harming us, don’t go head on avoid that accident at first place. We have to be first concerned about our self, don’t spoil your own health and peace of mind for someone else, learn to first love yourself, don’t harm your own self. Once you have saved yourself from that head on, now you have extra energy to sort this issue positively.

The better approach is to be open and flexible, to be appreciative of whatever good you do find in your daily circumstances, rather than focusing on bigger questions, such as ‘Will I be happy if I move to another city or a better job?’ or ‘Will I be happy if I get married?’ But life is a journey and no destination. So what you do along the journey is most important.

Taking time to relax and breath is key to developing resilience. Resilience is to be woven deeply into the fabric of the human soul. Throw us an obstacle, and we grow stronger, resilience in the face of adversity. It means a strength and compassion that will not be defeated. The great news is that emotional resilience is something that everyone can develop, and the first step to it id to decide that you want to develop resilience and second step is to stay determined and third step is to make persistent and consistent efforts to keep working on it. 

Don’ t Give Up

Selling Yourself

What usually we think about the idea of “selling yourself”, as a means “to convince others of our own value”, considered a concept referred to when trying to get something – like a new job or a promotion, or selling a product to someone. To get ahead in life, you need to be in the business of selling. Selling the product YOU !!

If you cannot sell yourself as a person to others, you are going to have a difficult time selling them your ideas, your wishes, your needs, your ambitions, your skills, and your experience.

A lot people have a hard time selling themselves because they feel like it’s arrogant. People are often taught that self-promotion is vain or big headed. Truth is, it’s a necessary part of business. It’s your responsibility to make others sit up and notice your work or your product. You are your own biggest supporter. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging your talents. In fact, it’s a very wise and necessary career move.
So, how does one do it? How do you sell yourself effectively?
Be Sold on Yourself
This is the first, and perhaps most important, aspect to successfully selling yourself to others. Unless it comes naturally, this is probably also the hardest. Believe in yourself comes down to this: you must be aware of your own self-worth. This means you have faith in yourself, and have confidence in yourself.

Believe in yourself is not something that usually happens overnight. I can, however, personally attest that it is possible to change your life and gain a sense of self-worth when there was once none. If you struggle with your sense of self-worth, here are just 3 ideas that may help:
• Live in such a way that you are your own best friend.
• Find some time to reflect on what you like about yourself. If this seems hard, start with the smallest of attributes.
• Every day at least for 15 minutes indulge in positive self talk.

Maintaining a high level of integrity and a high quality of work will help keep you self-assured. You need to feel proud of your actions so don’t do things that will undermine your efforts. Focus on building your confidence and being the person you want to be.

Share Your Knowledge & Experiences. Knowledge is a valuable resource and it can make anyone look more attractive. Sell your skills by sharing your knowledge. Be willing to teach others what you know. This will not only help them, it will demonstrate your abilities at the same time. A win/win! Express yourself, you know something more than the others, it’s of great value to others.

Tell your story. People are drawn to those who are willing to open up and share their experiences. It will help you build strong connections with others. Remember that you are unique and there is value to be shared.

Be Positive and Enthusiastic:
Can you remember the last time you received poor customer service? Did the person look bored, disinterested, and as if they wanted to be anywhere but that place? Don’t be that person. Positivity and enthusiasm can both be developed, but once again it takes work. Here are a few tips to help you:
• Look for the best in people
• Associate with positive people
• Care deeply about something
• See life as an adventure
• Smile

Be Real and Authentic:
Rather than being about who you appear to be, selling yourself is about letting others know who you are as a person. For this reason, lies and half-truths are a recipe for disaster later down the line. By telling the truth, you will earn both trust and respect which, in turn, will help you build a great reputation. Not only that, it will make you feel good about yourself. The last thing you want to do is sell yourself out by compromising your values and principles.

Self-invented people are the most interesting ones of all. The difference is in the intangibles of the personality we create for ourselves. We are all works of art, or, perhaps more accurately, works of architecture with those three essential elements of core, frame and envelope. So go ahead and work on all three and reinventing a GREAT YOU.